Feedback for 1st draft

First Draft 2 Points

Very interesting thesis. It is relevant to the world today. You could improve it by suggesting HOW to change the English education system. 

Great narration. You could improve it by discussing research or theories explaining why Korean students struggle with English, not just your opinions.

You're doing a fantastic job marking your sources - That will make your life easier in 2 weeks =P

You could add flavor to this essay by adding personal examples to support your essay. Normally this would not be appropriate for a formal essay, but because you have first hand experience with the Korean English education system, you can talk about your experiences. Great job so far, I look forward to seeing your second draft.


Teacher, accepting your advice, i changed my thesis a little bit. It is " Korea will behind the global society if English education in Korea does not get to change". The reason why I changed my thesis is because the original essay focused more on overall English education in Korea and the researches are more related with the overall problem of English education in Korea. So there would be some changes..... But Sam teacher, please consider it.